Over-giving is not always generosity. A reflection on reciprocity, resource stewardship, and the deeper roots of abundance.
Over the past days in Lapland, Rua Inu and I have been in prayer and ceremony with Indigenous representatives from the Wiwa tradition in Colombia. Together we have been making offerings for the Earth, for nature spirits, and for the unseen forces that sustain life, with the intention of restoring balance where unconscious resource use has created debt.
A big theme for me these days has been about reciprocity.
Not as a transaction.
Not as a rigid rule.
But as a living principle of relationship.
I’ve been reflecting on how many of the imbalances we see in the world begin when relationship breaks down — when we take without consent or respect for the source, receive without acknowledging, and forget to give back. Life and its resources then become something to use, save, or pass on for personal benefit, rather than something to honour within the wider web we are part of.
This is easy to recognize in the extractive systems that shape so much of modern life. We see it in the way humans relate to soil, waters, forests, and one another — taking without permission, appreciation, reverence, restraint, responsibility, or reciprocity.
During today’s ceremony, we heard how many of the wars and natural catastrophes unfolding on the planet are understood as expressions of the Earth’s response to this lack of reciprocity: too much extraction, not enough payment.
I’ve been recognizing echoes of that same pattern in my own relationships too.
Many of us who care deeply want to help. We want to serve, ease suffering, create beauty, and contribute to a better world. But I’ve noticed how unhealthy extraction can unknowingly creep into spaces intended to offer service and care, if discernment is missing and reciprocity is insufficient – resulting in imbalance and resentment when needs and boundaries are not honored.
On the one hand – generosity and sharing are such important elements for sustaining social cohesion and maintaining healthy relationships, but if they slip into over-giving, it can harm relationships.
Distortions can happen when giving:
* is driven by a hidden fear that we must earn our place and worth through service or giving.
* comes from a discomfort with receiving.
* is a way of avoiding the truth of our own needs, limits, or value.
Sometimes, in the name of generosity, we may pass on time, energy, knowledge, or other resources too freely — even that which is not ours to give – without fully honouring what they cost, where they came from, or what real balance would require.
In this way, over-giving may look virtuous on the surface while still participating in extraction and depletion underneath.
As I am learning, true reciprocity is not about indiscriminately giving more. It is about knowing:
* what is ours to give, when and to whom,
* how to ask for and receive what we need, and
* how to steward and share resources through right relationship.
True reciprocity asks what nourishes life rather than draining it, and what allows resources to circulate in ways that create more vitality for all?
When reciprocity is present, abundance becomes possible.
Not because everyone gets everything they want, all the time. But because the flow of giving and receiving is rooted in respect. Resources are valued. Boundaries are clearer and honoured. What is precious is not treated as infinite or disposable. Resources are cared for in ways that nurture reciprocal relationships. Energy moves with more awareness.
In contrast, both extraction and over-giving can create scarcity by taking too much and giving too little back, leaking resources, weakening value, and bypassing the structures that allow life to be sustained.
Leakage also happens when resources are extracted and passed on to places that lack the capacity to receive and steward them.
True receptivity is possible when we:
* recognize and acknowledge what we need
* have the ability to ask for what we need and want, and
* feel worthy of receiving and are able to meet exchange with integrity.
Giving for its own sake, without attention to capacity or reciprocity, can become draining rather than nourishing.
Healthy generosity and sharing happens from a place of authentic abundance and overflow.
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For me, learning how to be in relationship with money has been one of my greatest lessons this past year.
Money, like time, energy, and other physical resources, is an expression of life force. It reflects how we value, receive, protect, circulate, and steward resources. Learning to be in a healthier relationship with money is, in many ways, part of learning reciprocity — part of learning how to care for life.
This is why the work of Kate Northrup has been so meaningful for me. Her approach to money honours natural cycles and rhythms, and includes the importance of cultivating physical safety through nervous system work. It has helped me look more honestly at value, stewardship, and the patterns shaping how resources move through my life. It has also helped me face difficult truths about unhealthy relational patterns — including ways I was unknowingly participating in extractive dynamics while believing I was serving a higher good.
Healing my relationship with receiving, stewarding, and sharing money has been a concrete way of healing my relationship with myself, my energy, and with the wider network of life that I engage with.
Using the tools and leaning into the space offered by Kate has been truly life changing for me and I’m so happy to share that registration is now open for her FREE ‘Good With Money’ workshop, taking place on 9, 14 & 16 April 2026.
The workshop focuses on identifying financial leaks, strengthening our underlying money ecosystem, and creating a more sustainable relationship with wealth.
Kate only offers this once a year, so if reflecting on your relationship with money feels timely, this could be a supportive opportunity.
-> You can join Good With Money here
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I believe that by healing our relationship with money, we can also contribute to the healing of our relationship with ourselves, our families, our communities, the Earth and the wider web of life.
May we learn to receive without guilt.
May we honour the true cost and value of what sustains life.
May we learn to give without self-erasure.
And may we help create forms of abundance rooted not in accumulation, but in flow and right relationship.